Looking forward to next week

It has been awhile... and it was good to reread my entries. I completely forgot new year's resolution, which was to pick lover wisely. It seems I am ready to move on, after all.

I have been corresponding with a guy, A, since March, and we finally agreed to meet. I am afraid I was initiating it but got the clue (or cue?) from him as he said "this" is such an important topic I touched on that he is not even sure this can be discussed in emails. Another guy very sensitive to rejection, I guess.

He claimed to be an accomplished film director but he said he couldn't tell me his name as most people would assume he is loaded with money, and that is just not the case. He promised me to introduce himself with his full name when we meet (probably next week). Actually, my sister, being the nosy and clever one with the internet searches (till now I thought I am the best but I have to concede her superiority when it comes to finding people rather than concepts or objects), figured out who the guy is. He is indeed accomplished. But I have to keep this info under wraps, unless the guy thinks I am stalking him (even if he is stalked by my sister :-)).

He is a very interesting and smart guy but hasn't shared one bit about his personal/love life. I guess, that is not a very good sign. I made vague references to mine but never asked explicit questions about his personal life and he never volunteered. In any case, he is probably not an easy man to deal with. As Gypsy (on Fcupid) told me once, they are the hardest cases when it comes to love. Artists, that is. And this one is a serious artist.

I was thinking to tell him right up front that I am interested only in a serious relationship but then realized that I am being defensive, based on my previous bad experiences with B (another artist, a really talented musician). How interesting, before B I never dated an artist. I was hardly aware of their existence, at all. As I am in the sciences, those were the people I was mostly familiar with. The whole new world of art and artists started to unfold only when I was living in New York. (I even had a serious crush on a gay pianist whose orientation I had not suspected till he told me about it.)
I actually came across some Agony Aunt's boyfriend's wisdom about women like me. He said he identified the 3 biggest mistakes women make in their relationships: 1. Guys aren't looking for the same things in a relationship as women; 2. overwhelm the man with their attention; 3. being overly defensive and aggressively demanding exclusivity on the 2nd, 3rd, etc date, in a word, too early. As he said, he never started out with a woman with the purpose of hurting that woman's feelings by not living up to the woman's expectations (I guess, it just happened that way, anyway).

Yesterday I was reading about Baudelaire, the Madame he was courting anonymously (writing the most beautiful love poems to her), then later on revealing his identity (also, after publishing named poems with others in the "Flowers of Evil"). As soon as Madame declared her own unconditional love for him, he was done with her. That was enough for him. What a fascinating story, what a screwed-up guy. Poets. World famous ones. What else can one expect?