It feels kind of quiet here like no one is actually reading my blog. Just as well, then I'll spill the beans. Being the enfant terrible I am.
It is about one of new year's resolution. Picking lovers. Wisely. I am not sure about the wisdom thing but I got a lover. Emphatically not a boyfriend or a sweetie, more along the lines of a sexpartner. Not that we don't have anything in common in other areas of life so I might judge this thing a little too severely. But this is the guy who told me about 10 times already that he couldn't have a committed relationship with me as he couldn't be faithful to me. Last time he put this in writing I did not respond in kind. I obfuscated and thanked him for being honest. I just didn't feel the need to denigrate myself again by expressing either negative or positive feelings about this.
Nor did I explain on Thursday why I chose to become lovers with him. Even though he mentioned it briefly, giving voice to his surprise that I decided this way. It just felt the natural thing to do. I can't even explain it to myself - or not quite. But I remember the touching song he played me the last time I was at his place: "only those can hurt you, you love". Well, I guess, he can't hurt me anymore. Nor do I require him to be faithful to me - nor do I want to promise him the same thing. Is that promise-cuous? I hope not.
I feel good about what happened and good about myself too. And my body. He keeps taking pictures in intimate moments. At various stages of undress. I told him he could actually sell those pictures if he can and keep the money - I'll keep the fame. Who would not be happy about this happening at the age of 45? 20 - that is a different issue. I have only one picture from that age - my red blouse and jacket all unbuttoned (I didn't wear a bra in those years), me smiling innocently into the camera. My nipples just barely escape showing. It was taken by my long-term boyfriend at the time scanned over the years by a mutual friend. He showed it to me recently (the friend) and after my initial shock I asked him to email it to me. Later I sent it to my long-term lover - he thought it was hot. He still worships me after 16 years. He grounded me in many ways, you see.
My cool modded Vostok Amphbia
6 years ago
3 comments:
Dear Kitty,
You hadn't been blogging for a while so I just assumed you had stopped.
I too have had the chance of entering into one of these strange sexual relationships within the last few months. I opted not to do it because I couldn't offer the woman a relationship, and although I'm sure she would have accepted my sexing it up with her without a relationship (she was already accepting this from another man) I knew that this was not what she really wanted. She wanted more. I knew it was just morally wrong to engage in a sexual relationship with this woman and it would only serve to make me guilty and miserable, and the guilt would outweigh any sexual gratification I got from this woman.
Recently, while I was away in Florida and could not masturbate I got really horny and lonely and crazy and thought about contacting this woman. But fortunately, sanity prevailed. I am actually going to delete this woman's number write now, so that I will prevent myself from ever doing something stupid. It's gone now!
At the risk of sounding like your father, Kitty, I cannot condone this relationship your having. I think that you deserve better.
Your Friend,
Dickie
Dickie sweetie,
thanks. you are a real friend - I mean a real virtual friend - isn't the internet sometimes stranger than our wildest dreams? I am going to blog the finale, to this weird relationship, right now.
I anxiously await that post and will read it later, after I finish torturing myself with English Grammar.
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